I went jacuzzing at the house I grew up in today. I was sitting there with my mom and I had a flashback to my childhood. I remembered sitting my the pool edge with my pack of 'jellyroll' glitter pens and a pad of paper doodling nothing and writing something not because I had a lot on my mind, but because I thought that was the 'cool' thing to do at the time. I wanted to be the character in the movie I was directing. There were so many 'movies' when I was young. Different lighting, different scenarios, but all happy endings.
Nowadays, I still dream and direct my own movies in which I imagine myself as the character. But, the dreams are different now for several reasons. They all have the same lighting, the same scene (on stage usually), and mostly involving a boy :)
The biggest difference now versus then is the fact that I just dream about it - I no longer act it out. Maybe I find it embarrassing, or maybe I just lack the initiative to do something about that I dream about.
LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE IMAGINED
I was surprised to see this quote on the cover of a random sketchbook last week since this is what I always told myself. I wanted to buy the sketchbook, but it was 15" x 15". I would never carry something that big around! So what happened to the ambitious little me?
I wonder why the lighting is always the same in my movies now. I wonder why it's always about me becoming some successful woman (details I refuse to disclose) instead of small desires, little moments, and off-stage scenes. Do I only have a one-track mind now? Have I become formed instead of transformed? Everything seems so certain now, so set, and pre-written by someone else other than me. Is it supposed to be like this?
No comments:
Post a Comment