Art or Football

"I have to decide what I want to do with my day - Art or Football" - Clare

Thought process:
Tomorrow is Monday; therefore, I have to get back to work.
I have my Architecture project due on Wednesday.
NFL Playoff games are today.
Should I do art or should I watch football?
FOOTBALL.

You would think I can multi-task between the project and watching football, but I can't. Not because the project cannot be completed with the television on, but because football deserves undivided attention. After a nice potato salad brunch, Clare wondered whether or not she should buy a canvas and paint with a friend, or relax by watching football with her brother. I'm hoping she chose the latter (it selfishly makes me feel better for choosing the same). In the end, Football is Art... right?

PS - I HATE the Steelers. GO GREENBAY!

Forming VS Transforming

I went jacuzzing at the house I grew up in today. I was sitting there with my mom and I had a flashback to my childhood. I remembered sitting my the pool edge with my pack of 'jellyroll' glitter pens and a pad of paper doodling nothing and writing something not because I had a lot on my mind, but because I thought that was the 'cool' thing to do at the time. I wanted to be the character in the movie I was directing. There were so many 'movies' when I was young. Different lighting, different scenarios, but all happy endings.

Nowadays, I still dream and direct my own movies in which I imagine myself as the character. But, the dreams are different now for several reasons. They all have the same lighting, the same scene (on stage usually), and mostly involving a boy :)
The biggest difference now versus then is the fact that I just dream about it - I no longer act it out. Maybe I find it embarrassing, or maybe I just lack the initiative to do something about that I dream about.

LIVE THE LIFE YOU HAVE IMAGINED
I was surprised to see this quote on the cover of a random sketchbook last week since this is what I always told myself. I wanted to buy the sketchbook, but it was 15" x 15". I would never carry something that big around! So what happened to the ambitious little me?

I wonder why the lighting is always the same in my movies now. I wonder why it's always about me becoming some successful woman (details I refuse to disclose) instead of small desires, little moments, and off-stage scenes. Do I only have a one-track mind now? Have I become formed instead of transformed? Everything seems so certain now, so set, and pre-written by someone else other than me. Is it supposed to be like this?

The New Year

Happy new year?


I went to New Year's mass at church and as I sat there, I was surprised that I was not filled with hopeful, joyous thoughts, but thoughts of so many people and events that has let me down in the past year. During the homily, Father John also mentioned that he, too, felt a moment of letting down a few days ago. Then, he felt the voice of Christ say to him, "Am I not enough?" It was then I realized, I can't put myself down for all of the world's mishaps and holding such high expectations for the world to be peachy. I'm not being negative or pessimistic; I'm simply being more realistic and less naivete. I can't hold such high expectations for everyone in my life and feel so let down when its not met, then continue to place that blame on myself. It's not fair to others and mostly to myself. I want to find more satisfaction and peace in the most purest and simplest thing in life - Christ's love.

I decided to be BOLD and dare to set a few New Year's Resolutions.
1.
Jeff: If you could have anything in the world, what would it be? A Plane?
me: no, too big and high maintenance. I don't even know how to fly it.
Jeff: A house?
me: no, I want to be able to pick up and move anytime I want.
Jeff: Then, what?
me: An Cybex Arc Trainer :)

I'm UNDERWEIGHT. I am not one of those girls that prides themselves in fitting into size 0s and being able to stroke their collar bones. I'm thin and not happily thin. I don't want to run to a McDonald's and fat myself on Big Macs. I want to gain weight the right way - by gaining more muscle. I lost 10 pounds this semester and I want to get is back in muscles.... so I am getting on my Cybex Arc Trainer (not personally mine, but at the gym).



2. I want to eat more of the foods I ENJOY eating - not just something that fills me up. I love eating, I love cooking, and I love good company. Therefore, I vow to take the time to cook and eat around people I love more often this year. I started off on the right foot on the first day of January by cooking my favourite - PASTA - for my mom and sister. Fresh ingredients, best company - who can as for more? Well... the taste needs work, but it wasn't THAT bad :)